Finally he’s here! After nine months of global and royal pregnancy and ten hours of global and royal labour, at last we are globally and happily delivered of a beautiful royal celebrity baby boy that we all globally will bring up for years to come.
Fortunately we did’d have much to wait for his names. Global expectation was soon fulfilled. George after great great grandad, Alexander after great grandma’s second name, Louis after the late Lord Mountbatten and some other great grandad relative and of course the other dozen names usually given to all royal babies. I am disappointed for the absence of Edward in the list of his names. Edward was one of my bets, so that in about a hundred years to come there’d finally be an Edward IX, whether he never marries, marries often, marries divorced common ladies, marries his lifetime lover like his Grandad after Grandma got killed in a car accident, marries a man if he turns out to be gay… His ancestor Edward VIII would have happily been done justice in his grave and sweet great grandaunty Margaret too. They lived before their time!
A very long stand by awaits this dear royal baby heir. See, great grandmom is 87 and she’s still looking quite young, ready to live as long as her mummy, dead at 101. Great granddad Philip is 92, he’s a little deteriorated but he can go on for a few years yet… Granddad will be 65 next November, he’s the first heir in line, but he can be easily 75 when he sits on the throne, then daddy will be 41 and being lucky he will reach the throne in his sixties, then dearest royal baby boy you’ll be over 30 years old, so supposing daddy will happily rule for over 30 years you will probably become just King of England, – because Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales will be independent…republics-, about the year 2078…
Four generations, three on stand by, three ‘waities’, dear boy! Hard for you to learn about your living lineage. Great grandmother Elizabeth is the Queen of the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth, Grandfather Charles, Prince of Wales has been for years roaming through the boredom of ever waiting, thank God he’s built up a good practice for it, waiting for almost half a century to marry your step grandmother, dear Camilla, his first and only love, hope you’ll hear a lot and well about your grandmom, dear Diana, the People’s Princess, who deserved a better luck, for instance, not ever have married Granddad. And then Daddy, the Duke of Cambridge, the second waitie, happily married to your mummy, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, former Kate Middleton or ‘waitie Katy’ as she was colloquially nicknamed the years she waited for your daddy to decide what to do with his love life, love or ‘convenience’ marriage. You’ll be thankful for having been born at a time when all those stupid ‘convenience’ marriages are gone forever, because they are no longer necessary. You’ll be friendly to other European princes and princesses, offspring -here some examples- of a former drugproblem unmarried mother, an Australian lawyer, a Latinamerican heiress to millions, a divorced journalist with a taxi driver as a grandfather, or a little princess fathered by former mummy’s personal coach, all of them properly educated, of course, all of them with unpredictable futures like everybody else, like yourself dear George Alexander Louis and the rest of your dozen names, dear royal baby boy.
God save the Queen and her offspring!